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Go to my BLOG [May. 6th, 2008|07:57 pm]
i'm not writing here anymore.

everyone who has had a livejournal knows why.

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New York [Sep. 19th, 2007|04:46 pm]

i moved to new york.

short notice
but i just up and did it.

The work i'm doing now is
exactly what i want to be doing
with my life.

If yr in New York...

hit me up...

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My new Blog [Jun. 12th, 2007|11:24 am]
[Current Location |Work]
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |None]

So, I think I'm going to slowly faze out my livejournal.

My new mac has made it super simple for me to have a blog that I really love the look of and can update easily and don't have to worry about accidentally stumbling upon into regarding people I'm no longer choosing to be in contact with.

AKA Less Drama.

So if you would like to know what's going on in my life, check it out every once in a while.

Fancy New Mac Page

Send me an email, let me know what you think.
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Ha ha ha ha ha pt. 2 [May. 25th, 2007|10:19 am]
Free Image Hosting

Free Image Hosting

Free Image Hosting

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life update. again. [May. 25th, 2007|09:57 am]
So I'm in Corvallis, working as an assistant in my sister's law firm. It's been very strange for me to be putting on a button-up shirt and khakis and taking out my piercings every day. But its a chance to help my sister, so I'm all for it.

I've been able to visit my friends in Portland, which has been good for my soul. L.A. hasn't been as warm and welcoming as I'd like... I feel like I'm vibrating on a different wavelength than so much of the city. I'll be staying long enough to do my fellowship at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force this summer, then I'll head east to live in NY with my little sis.

I cannot express to you how happy I feel about no longer working in bars. In one year, I worked at four different SoCal gay bars. I was a bar back, a bartender, a lighting designer and a doorman. I worked in Long Beach, West Hollywood and Silver Lake. I saw people pass out, puke, fight and fuck in all kinds of places. I felt so much inter-community hostility and judgement, saw men hate themselves and take it out on each other, watched more than a hundred different dancers take off their clothes and receive single dollar bills in exchange.

It's time for me to see my brothers in a different light.

It's hard not to judge when you are bombarded with unhealthy examples of a sub-culture on a daily basis... hard not to believe the cliches and stereotypes. Even harder not to become one.

I'm trying to be optimistic, trying to keep my head up, trying to look at the horizon and not be blinded by the setting sun.

I'm 7 months clean from a relationship that can't even be called a relationship, with a man that can't even be called a man, when I felt love that should never be associated with love. I was an unwitting little gnat in an intricate web of treacherous twists and turns, the full extent of which I may never know. Almost every single thing I knew to be true about him was a lie, fabricated for god-knows-what reason. I hardly miss him any longer, but the distrust he left behind has echoed for months and months and I don't know how long it will be before I will be able to really look someone in the eyes again.

Working on family law cases this month hasn't helped. Observing what people do to the ones they 'love' has further destroyed my idea of it.

If this is love... I'll take chocolate.
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Ha ha ha ha ha [May. 25th, 2007|09:54 am]
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Change of plans. [Apr. 16th, 2007|11:04 am]
So you are now reading the journal of a 2007 NGLTF Fellowship recepiant!

Yes, that's right. I just accepted a summer fellowship position with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Originally the position was for the New York office, which would have worked out perfectly since I want to move there, but now the LA office will be housing our program.

My sister can't move to NY with me untio the end of the summer anyway, so that works out fine for our plans for moving in together in the big scary city.

My pact with myself is if I'm going to be living in LA, I have to get rid of the things I hate about LA. One of those things is my stupid job, and that's easy since i will be working for the Task Force. Another thing I hate is always sitting in traffic. I didn't used to hate it, but as the time has gone by, I realize more and more how stressed out I am by the fact that I'm always getting cut off and honked at and just sitting there, baking in the sun using up gas and GOING NOWHERE. I also hate my house-- the neighborhood sucks (my car window got busted last week and they took everything), it's dangerous and noisy all the time and I get stared at. I also hate living in a house that is always in a state of chaos. The dishes never get done, the trash smells, there are always beer bottles and hair accesories on the tables and chairs, and I can never get a spot in the fridge to put my food.

So I'm going to find a summer sublet in West Hollywood close to the office. My goal is to be able to walk or bike to work every day. No more traffic. No more driving. No more living somewhere that smells bad and sounds worse.

I'll finish the fellowship at the end of summer and then head out east.

I'm trying to just move on from the events of this month and keep looking forward.
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Um... [Apr. 8th, 2007|09:54 pm]
a bunch of really awful shit happened to me all at once. i'm going into hiding for awhile. if you don't hear from me, don't be worried. i'm an ugly creepy caterpillar going into a cocoon for a minute. when i emerge, i plan to be a butterfly.
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My phone got fucked [Apr. 1st, 2007|08:18 pm]
just letting everyone know that my phone broke. software problem or something. or so say the verizon people. anyway, they couldn't rescue any of my numbers, so please send me a text or call and leave yr number on my voicemail so i can try to consolidate my address book again!


on another technology note: i spilled an alcoholic beverage all over my keyboard and now it doesn't work. i have to use heather's computer now. this hasn't been a good week.
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an accident [Dec. 26th, 2006|10:58 pm]
today i accidentally saw a picture of him.

i thought i was over him but i was kidding myself.

my eyes welled up and my belly... fell into the soles of my feet.

pictures of a happy wedding today made me so sad. my friend next to me on the couch now with a girl makes me so sad. men coming out of my ears and... i only want him. i only miss him. i only think of him.

how long will i be like this?
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