| New York |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|04:46 pm] |
So...
i moved to new york.
short notice
but i just up and did it.
The work i'm doing now is
exactly what i want to be doing
with my life.
If yr in New York...
hit me up...
t. |
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| My new Blog |
[Jun. 12th, 2007|11:24 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | new blog | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
So, I think I'm going to slowly faze out my livejournal.
My new mac has made it super simple for me to have a blog that I really love the look of and can update easily and don't have to worry about accidentally stumbling upon into regarding people I'm no longer choosing to be in contact with.
AKA Less Drama.
So if you would like to know what's going on in my life, check it out every once in a while.
Fancy New Mac Page
Send me an email, let me know what you think. |
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| life update. again. |
[May. 25th, 2007|09:57 am] |
So I'm in Corvallis, working as an assistant in my sister's law firm. It's been very strange for me to be putting on a button-up shirt and khakis and taking out my piercings every day. But its a chance to help my sister, so I'm all for it.
I've been able to visit my friends in Portland, which has been good for my soul. L.A. hasn't been as warm and welcoming as I'd like... I feel like I'm vibrating on a different wavelength than so much of the city. I'll be staying long enough to do my fellowship at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force this summer, then I'll head east to live in NY with my little sis.
I cannot express to you how happy I feel about no longer working in bars. In one year, I worked at four different SoCal gay bars. I was a bar back, a bartender, a lighting designer and a doorman. I worked in Long Beach, West Hollywood and Silver Lake. I saw people pass out, puke, fight and fuck in all kinds of places. I felt so much inter-community hostility and judgement, saw men hate themselves and take it out on each other, watched more than a hundred different dancers take off their clothes and receive single dollar bills in exchange.
It's time for me to see my brothers in a different light.
It's hard not to judge when you are bombarded with unhealthy examples of a sub-culture on a daily basis... hard not to believe the cliches and stereotypes. Even harder not to become one.
I'm trying to be optimistic, trying to keep my head up, trying to look at the horizon and not be blinded by the setting sun.
I'm 7 months clean from a relationship that can't even be called a relationship, with a man that can't even be called a man, when I felt love that should never be associated with love. I was an unwitting little gnat in an intricate web of treacherous twists and turns, the full extent of which I may never know. Almost every single thing I knew to be true about him was a lie, fabricated for god-knows-what reason. I hardly miss him any longer, but the distrust he left behind has echoed for months and months and I don't know how long it will be before I will be able to really look someone in the eyes again.
Working on family law cases this month hasn't helped. Observing what people do to the ones they 'love' has further destroyed my idea of it.
If this is love... I'll take chocolate. |
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| Change of plans. |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|11:04 am] |
So you are now reading the journal of a 2007 NGLTF Fellowship recepiant!
Yes, that's right. I just accepted a summer fellowship position with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
Originally the position was for the New York office, which would have worked out perfectly since I want to move there, but now the LA office will be housing our program.
My sister can't move to NY with me untio the end of the summer anyway, so that works out fine for our plans for moving in together in the big scary city.
My pact with myself is if I'm going to be living in LA, I have to get rid of the things I hate about LA. One of those things is my stupid job, and that's easy since i will be working for the Task Force. Another thing I hate is always sitting in traffic. I didn't used to hate it, but as the time has gone by, I realize more and more how stressed out I am by the fact that I'm always getting cut off and honked at and just sitting there, baking in the sun using up gas and GOING NOWHERE. I also hate my house-- the neighborhood sucks (my car window got busted last week and they took everything), it's dangerous and noisy all the time and I get stared at. I also hate living in a house that is always in a state of chaos. The dishes never get done, the trash smells, there are always beer bottles and hair accesories on the tables and chairs, and I can never get a spot in the fridge to put my food.
So I'm going to find a summer sublet in West Hollywood close to the office. My goal is to be able to walk or bike to work every day. No more traffic. No more driving. No more living somewhere that smells bad and sounds worse.
I'll finish the fellowship at the end of summer and then head out east.
I'm trying to just move on from the events of this month and keep looking forward. |
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| Um... |
[Apr. 8th, 2007|09:54 pm] |
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a bunch of really awful shit happened to me all at once. i'm going into hiding for awhile. if you don't hear from me, don't be worried. i'm an ugly creepy caterpillar going into a cocoon for a minute. when i emerge, i plan to be a butterfly. |
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| My phone got fucked |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|08:18 pm] |
just letting everyone know that my phone broke. software problem or something. or so say the verizon people. anyway, they couldn't rescue any of my numbers, so please send me a text or call and leave yr number on my voicemail so i can try to consolidate my address book again!
thanks.
on another technology note: i spilled an alcoholic beverage all over my keyboard and now it doesn't work. i have to use heather's computer now. this hasn't been a good week. |
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| an accident |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|10:58 pm] |
today i accidentally saw a picture of him.
i thought i was over him but i was kidding myself.
my eyes welled up and my belly... fell into the soles of my feet.
pictures of a happy wedding today made me so sad. my friend next to me on the couch now with a girl makes me so sad. men coming out of my ears and... i only want him. i only miss him. i only think of him.
how long will i be like this? |
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| still an ache in my belly, a hole in my heart shaped like you |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|02:41 am] |
If I gave you the sky
If I laid down my life
Would you believe me then?
If I promised to change
If I carried the blame
Would you believe me then?
Could you see it like me
And believe what I see
Could you listen, and remember that I love you
Only,
Because I told you, because I told you so.
If you told me you lied
But I stayed true and tried
Would you believe me then?
And if your beauty was gone
But my love lingered on
Would you believe me then?
Could you see it like me
And believe what I see
Could you listen and remember that I love you
Only,
Because I told you, because I told you so.
You take the wheel for now
I'm too tired to drive this one home anyhow,
For now
And when you mention my name
Let this one thing remain,
My love,
Believe me now. |
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| A funny picture |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|02:44 am] |
I really really did see this sign in a bathroom at the place where I do my laundry.
 |
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| Funny story... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|08:17 pm] |
So for some reason, I've been auditioning for all of these "white hip hop guy" roles lately. I am so grateful that my agent has been submitting me for them, since obviously I'm not that guy in every day life and often agents pigeonhole people into their "type" and never submit outside of that stereotypical character. Last month I had like three of these auditions and I took a picture on my cell phone of myself. Here it is, for your enjoyment and entertainment.
Can you tell I'm going through all of my pictures on my cell phone?
...just thought i'd share... |
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| and now for something completely different |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|09:38 am] |
I need something to cheer me up. Big time. Something good and clean and substances-free. Here it is.
This is from when my sister and I were canoeing through the everglades. Yes, we saw alligators.
This is from right after. It's when we were drinking margaritas on the beach before swimming in the gulf.
 |
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| Florida |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|09:32 pm] |
So... I'm in Florida. In Fort Myers. I flew here to see my sister's doubles matches. She lost the first one, won the second, and lost the third. It was awesome and super-exciting to watch. I got to take pictures and cheer and everything. She said next time I can wear a cheerleading skirt and have pom poms!!! The next big match will be at Flushing Meadows in NY in the spring. So after all is said and done, my sister and her partner are the number 5 doubles team in the country in their division. Cool.
Tomorrow we're going to the Everglades. We don't know anything about it but we're going anyway. Canoe tours, the Key Islands... all possibilities.
The weird thing is... yesterday I checked my plane ticket for the return home and realized that my mother bought me a ticket leaving not from Fort Myers but instead from Philly. But yesterday we fixed it about bought me a ticket TO Philly on Saturday night so I can catch the flight leaving Philly on Sunday morning so I can get back to LA in time for my show Sunday night.
So I'm going to be stuck in Philly from midnight on Saturday until 6 in the morning Sunday. Six hours in the middle of the night in Philly. How weird is that? I assume I'll just sleep in the airport. Maybe I'll walk around a little, but it seems scary! Isn't Philly a big scary city? Maybe I can look online and take a bus to the "gay" part of the city. Is there a "gay" part? Just so I can stop in a diner and get coffee without being scared I'll get shot. That's a plan.
As for Florida, it's hot and really muggy. Yesterday it was 93 degrees and pouring rain. Weird. We were all sunburned within 2 hours. I put on sunscreen but it was useless in this amazing bright southern universe.
On Sunday I'll leave Philly then have a layover in Houston and then arrive in LA. So this weekend I'll have been in every time zone, on the gulf coast, in texas, in Chicago, and in the northeast.
Crazy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 6th, 2006|10:05 am] |
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I'm making some huge decisions. Prepping for big changes. Throwing away shit I don't need no more. Clothes I don't wear, pictures of people I no longer know, stuffed animals I bought as retail therapy for past relationships gone awry. Cords to unknown electrical devices. CD cases, the contents of which are long lost. I don't need to go to a psychic. I know this is right. Nothing is holding me here... no anchors, no chains, no loving bonds. Just my will, which is shifting and changing like a microscopic neuron finding a clearer pathway to a more rewarding synapse. I want to lighten my load and I feel like maybe its a really heavy load that I've been using to keep me from my nomadic nature. Maybe I've always known this shift was coming and I was so scared I've tried to prevent it by aquiring enough books to fill a queer theory library, enough t-shirts to open a boutique, enough two-dollar CDs to weigh down 10 bins. I've put up my posters, my photos, my fabric, my black fairy wings, my ikea mirrors to try and claim this space as my own when really... maybe I've felt this pull all along. I just needed this place and this time to make everything more definate. I needed this man and these feelings to make everything more definate. I finally want to Be With someone. Almost like a grownup. This marks a new chapter, a new beginning, a new life. I am like a person reborn, like an evangelical speaking in tongues foreign to all ears but his and his G/god. I'm not quite frenetic yet... I'm that space right before crazy when everything settles like the eye and all becomes still. As the end of the last maybe settles in a tight pit in my stomach, I know the upwelling of something new and pure can start as soon as I am willing and ready and able and free. Maybe that part comes when I'm out of these familiar surroundings and I have shed another layer of cold hard scar-skin. Maybe by the time I leave I'll be pared down, bared down, mobile and clean and truly ready for a fresh start. |
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| Quick Update |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|12:36 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the constant din of downtown | ] |
Here's a little update on my life!
I hit the ground running upon returning from New York, which was incredable, by the way. Hanging out with my sister was so fun. She'll be spending Thanksgiving with me here in L.A. for her Fall Break from school. I got to meet this lovely man for the first time in person and that was... satisfying in the way that seeing a rainbow is proof that god exists. I saw shows and went to crazy clubs and danced and... lots more. Then I came back to L.A. and saw DJ Irene at Circus in WeHo. Lucky me!!!
In rehearsals for Hamlet, which opens Sept. 29th.
In rehearsals for Polaroid Stories, which opens Oct. 8th.
Just shot a non-airing, non-paying presentational pilot for Mother Love.
I got a boot on my car for unpaid parking tickets. Let this be a lesson to you all-- pay that shit. Or else the DMV won't let you renew your registration and the city won't take the boot off your car. A million dollars later, an end is in sight and it looks like I'll be mobile again by this evening.
Not working at Micky's for the rest of the month... no one is taking any time off so I don't get any hours. I'm not sure I could anyway, since I'm in rehearsals at night. So since I'm not working there, I guess I need to find an actual job. However, I need days free for auditions and nights free for rehearsals... I'm not sure how people do it. I can't sacrifice auditions, since I came to L.A. to be an actor and not to wait tables or serve coffee. And I can't sacrifice the plays because theatre is what I want to do and these shows may get me more exposure. I have yet to figure out the financial situation. I'm sure I will get it under control soon enough. I've been doing extra work here and there to make ends meet. Its easy and they feed you.
Auditioning lots. Getting callbacks lots. Booking some.
What else? Just had friends visit from Oregon. It was amazing. They were so willing to just have a Good Time and drive around and see the city and go to clubs and swim in the ocean and see plays and help me learn lines and eat good food and meet new people. So that was a fun mini-vacation from the Real World for me.
I've gone to the Tom of Finland exhibit at the Western Project twice... here's the website in Culver City. If you live in L.A., you have to go. It's so beautiful and empowering and an important historical exhibit. And super fun and hot and sexy. Plus I love Culver City. It's like Disneyland... all clean and shiny and full of theaters.
I guess that's all I have for now. Time to go wrangle with city employees bound and gagged by red tape and bureaucracy. |
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